Koda Kumi
Kingdom
Rhythm Zone
January 30 2008

“Happy birthday, JJ!” - from Koda Kumi & (Avex) family
Of all the people to release an album on my birthday, why did it have to be her? I’m seriously considering sending Avex a restraining order, because I’m telling you, they’re stalking me (although I really wouldn’t know how that’ll work out, because I’ve never seen any Avex agents watching me). They’re out to make me a Koda Kumi fan. My love for Ayu will never die!
Anyway, I’ve picked up Kuu’s new Kingdom album, only because it is mainstream Japanese listening requirement. Something I have to do. Gawd. How dare she even think of stepping Ayu up? Kingdom? Bah, my ass. Ayu is the QUEEN! The Empress, even! But really, it’s not that it’s bad… it’s just that it’s Koda Kumi. My utter dislike for her can reach epic proportions, so beware some very catty remarks.
Opening with the requisite mini-track, we have the aptly titled “Introduction For Kingdom.” Not a good start, when all I hear is a dying cat wailing over some old 90’s R&B music. Seriously, my ears are bleeding, because this is Kuu singing at her worst. Everyone seems to be jumping on to the Arabian bandwagon, because “Amai Wana” sounds eerily familiar. Breathy vocals, Arabian flutes and instruments, Timbaland-esque beats – seems like Koda Kumi’s ready for American radio. Take that as you will. Heavier beats come ablazing in the full version of Black Cherry’s “INTRODUCTION.” A silly romp party complete with terrible vocals, Britney-fied breathing and light keyboard chords, it’s quite annoying. Don’t even get me started on the genre-break. At least the PV of “Under” doesn’t bring out the interesting tones in the song, definitely one of the highlights on Kingdom. Heavy thumpiness, eerie production and post-modern hip-hop production, it sounds very much like Lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger’s “Whatever U Like.” The pop messes that are “WONDERLAND” and “Koi no Mahou” make you wonder who the real Koda Kumi is. Is she J-Pop or J-Urban? The songs sound cheesy, irritating and quite misguided, like Jessica Simpson’s stabs at R&B. Koda Kumi’s R&B isn’t actually too bad, with the Latin-tinged “Anata ga Shite Kureta Koto.” But we’re also treated to Kuu slow jams, with “Himitsu,” a boring R&B track that sounds like Utada Hikaru’s First Love trash, and “MORE,” a jazzy number showing off her scratchy throat vocals.
What’s sad is that most of the singles are the better tracks on Kingdom. I’ve already expressed my infinite love for summer acoustic pop “anytime” and teary power ballad “Ai no Uta.” “LAST ANGEL feat. Tohoshinki” is one of the few standout tracks on Kingdom, while the double a-side BUT/Aishou gives the album some much needed depth. Even “FREAKY” sounds better than the new tracks. The exception to this is “Under” and “Anata ga Shite Kureta Koto,” which are easy on the ears and delightfully unique. Of course, fans are going to buy the album, despite the bad reviews. I’m sad to be giving Kingdom such a negative review, but it really isn’t that good.
What the fuck am I talking about, I’m delighted that this album sucks! Go Ayu!
ONE WORD: DISAPPOINTMENT